Make Your Kid A Genius!
How to Awaken Your Child's Innate Intelligence
| May 2003 |
Issue
#17
|
Irene Helen Zundel, Editor, artwhiz@greenepa.net
IN THIS ISSUE
Feature article: Motivating the Bright but Underachieving Child
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Motivating the Bright but Underachieving Child
by Irene Helen Zundel
It can be utterly baffling, or truly maddening to be the parent or teacher of a child who is bright but an underachiever. To see obvious talent and latent potential wither on the vine is sad indeed.
All kinds of things have been tried to get children to learn and accomplish what they are capable of---cajoling, bribes, threats, punishment, competition — and these methods generally fail. In exasperation, many parents and educators have thrown in the towel, or arrived at a place of bitter resignation and disappointment.
If this sounds like your own experience, dear reader, don't despair! Here are some insights to help you understand and motivate the underachiever in your life.
First of all, realize that underachievers aren't unmotivated at all. They are actually highly motivated to be unsuccessful at learning! Consciously or subconsciously, underachievers have chosen to avoid success at school. The key to getting them back on track is to discover WHY they don't want to do better academically.
What are some reasons a child might be underachieving?
1. Sibling rivalry:
Underachievers sometimes feel that another child in the household is the favorite or the thunder stealer. Fearing that their accomplishments won't measure up or will be overlooked all together causes them to not try.
2. Cultural expectations:
For example, in some parts of the world, women aren't expected to, or allowed to, pursue higher education. When families from other countries immigrate to the United States, those educational attitudes are still entrenched. Many children from those backgrounds won't stretch to exceed their cultural conditioning, and learn more than is allowed or expected.
3. Family programming:
Excuses can include: " No one in my family ever graduated high school, so why bother?" Or, "Sons have always worked in the family business for generations, and so will you. Why study something different? " Lacking permission to succeed at something of their own choosing is a big deterrent for some children.
4. Fear of Success:
It is comfortable and easy to coast along in life. Succeeding might bring some challenges a child fears they can not surmount. Rather than risk failure, they are content with mediocre accomplishments.
5. Fear of social isolation:
Kids that are bookworms or "nerds" are often teased, bullied, or ostracized at school. Some children recognize their gifts and abilities, but play down their intellectual prowess so they fit in better with their peers. If you suspect this is holding your child back, see if you can't get them into a class for gifted children.
6. Sexist indoctrination:
A child might hear, "No son of mine is going to be a ballet dancer!" or "Why even dream about being an astronaut, Sweetie? Girls just aren't good at science and math." Comments like those can douse the fire of desire and thwart a dream at the very beginning. How sad! (My thanks to the parents of Sally Ride and Mikhail Baryshnikov for thinking outside the box and raising their children differently!)
7. Undiagnosed anxiety or depression.
8. Boredom from unchallenging school work, or acting out because the work is too hard and frustrating.
9. Family environment:
Some children grow up in homes where the parents don't like to read, don't read well themselves, or don't encourage their children to read. They provide passive entertainment options for their children,such as watching TV or playing video games. Many children are latch key kids, and don't have the structure and discipline necessary to succeed in school. Children who don't learn from example how to engage their minds for pleasure, rarely are motivated to use them in school.
Next, realize that the vast majority of underachievers have poor work habits, and lack planning and organizational skills.
Telltale signs of future underachievement can often be observed in a child's home environment before the age of eight. Kids who are underachievers at school are often disruptive whirlwinds at home. They leave tasks half completed, and rush out the door to play. They put off doing things until the very last minute, or until they are living under threat of imminent death! They refuse to be consistent in regular routines like feeding the dog and cat.
To ensure a child's academic success, you must establish some sort of schedule, and have a level of accountability and responsibility. Make charts or write reminder notes if you must. Have regular times for checking homework. Establish simple routines for gathering school stuff together in advance and putting it where it won't be forgotten. When things stop being hectic and flow in an orderly fashion, a child can focus and achieve.
NOTE: Don't be rigid and harsh. This will only backfire! Strive for well-organized and unrushed instead.
Here are some tips to try:
1. Set small, attainable goals instead of big and overwhelming ones.
2. Don't use bullying, nagging or shame tactics as motivators. Instead, consistently use praise and positive reinforcement as work improves and goals are met.
3. Make any "criticism" constructive and solution oriented. Don't withdraw attention, affection, or become sour in your communication because your child isn't meeting your expectations. For example:
If your child does poorly on a spelling test, say, "This is a little better than your last score, and I am proud you improved, but we need to do a some more work on this lesson. Let's try some more practice after I wash the dishes."
4. Don't set up a competitive atmosphere between siblings. Encourage cooperation when studying and doing homework.
5. Try to incorporate your child's interests into their learning experience.
Is your son, an avid baseball fan, having trouble with percentages, averages, and decimals? Give him practice problems involving the stats of his favorite players. Is your cookie loving daughter struggling with fractions? Get her to halve, double, and triple a recipe for your grandmother's prize winning, taste bud tickling, double chocolate chunk cookie dough!
6. Capitalize on your child's strengths and interests, instead of dwelling on their weaker subjects and trying to force them to like subjects they don't.
If your child loves history, but hates English composition, praise her history grades and admire her projects in that subject. Once her motivation is high, you can use that momentum to encourage improvement in the weaker areas. Or you could try combining the two areas. Writing a composition about medieval fashions and beauty tips might inspire a greater effort to do well in content, organization and grammar in a writing assignment.
7. If you can, redirect your child's academic focus towards areas which match her skills and interests.
Does your daughter hate geometry and algebra, but have a talent for facts and figures? Encourage her to study accounting, tax preparation, or small business management where she will have a good chance of success.
8. Don't set arbitrary rules, a rigid structure, or tedious practices for your child to follow. They only serve to dampen enthusiasm, create stress, and cause resentment.
(Face it Mom, would you stick with a grueling exercise routine of sit-ups, push-ups, weight lifting and running, which you hate, when what you really love and want to do is jazzercise? Would you be happy while you grit your teeth to get through your routine? Then how can you expect your child to be motivated to achieve while doing academic grunt work? )
Finally, work to nurture your child's self image.
Studies have shown that children with high IQs but poor self-esteem drop out of school more often than students with an average intellect but a positive self-concept.
As kids grow in their ability to learn and succeed, they become confident. Confidence enhances attitude, which is the emotional component of learning. A feeling of self-satisfaction in learning or doing something well, stimulates the mind to want to learn more.
Raise your children with a "can-do" attitude. Teach them the virtue of sticking with things. Make sure they finish the tasks they start. Praise their accomplishments. If they don't do well at something after making an honest and repeated effort, praise them for trying hard. And most of all, love the little rascals lots and forever!
To learn more about motivating an underachieving child,
Read these books:
Could Do Better: Why Children Underachieve and What to Do About It
by Harvey P. Mandel, Sander I. Marcus, and Loral Dean, HarperCollins, 1995
The Unmotivated Child: Helping Your Underachiever Become A Successful Student
by Natalie Rathvon, Simon and Schuster, 1996
Bright Minds Poor Grades: Understanding & Motivating Underachieving Children
by Michael D. Whitley, Response Publishing, Inc., 1996.
Visit these useful websites:
http://www.about-underachieving-teens.com
http://www.gifted.uconn.edu/underach.html
http://www.underachievingchild.com/profile.html
Or contact:
National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented
(860) 486-4678
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©2003 Irene Helen Zündel